All That Glitters
by spearmintcrows
Summary: What if Emma hadn't spared Merida?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I've been wondering how things would have played out if Emma actually gave in to the Darkness at the first opportunity. So here's where I'm channeling all my leftover angst from that midseason finale C': Thanks for reading !**

"She has to die."

"Listen to your words. It's not you speaking, Emma. We can find another way together. Look at us... heroes and villains together for you, _because of you_. And if we can overcome it... if we can overcome our demons..."

The tears spilled over and ran tracks across Merida's cheeks.

"Then so can you."

Her fingers faltered against the warmth of the heart in her palm. She felt the enormity of the moment, the precipice she was balancing on. There was an earnestness in Killian's eyes, a tenderness and faith that were painful to bear.

And the weight of her magic—her _power_ —was ravening through her body, and she felt its teeth in every fiber of her being. She'd never felt so in control, so capable, so safe.

And she wanted _more._

"If you don't get that wisp, we'll eat them up whole." She didn't dare look back at the expression on Rumplestiltskin's face.

"Not today. It's too important." She answered Killian in a whisper as she closed her fist. All the bravery was wrenched out of Merida in a ragged sob.

"No!" Assorted cries broke out in a stricken hymn. Emma let the ashes fall to the twigs and leaves of the forest floor, dragging her fingertips through their remnants on her hand. She smiled, slow and at peace.

Rumplestiltskin's cackle jarred her. "There's our girl. Ten out of ten. Good form."

She felt her lips, drew them across the smile that couldn't be her own. Suddenly she was hyper-aware of the horrified looks on her friends' faces, and hot pinpricks went up her spine. She couldn't have done that. She didn't do that. Her brows drew.

"No." She whispered. "No. No, no, no." She ran her palms over her face, then held herself as her murmurs became louder.

"Oh my god." Someone uttered.

"Emma." Mary Margaret swallowed, voice drawing Emma's eyes up. "Dark One." Her hand shook with the dagger. She opened her mouth, but couldn't go on.

Regina could. She snatched the dagger out of her mother's trembling hand. "Dark One, _cease._ No more magic."

The weight of the command settled over her, but it was an easy one to bear. Emma couldn't have gone anywhere. She was rooted, with Merida's body at her feet. Her eyes were still open, glassed over with tears, mouth parted in shock. There was no remnant of the brash woman in that expression. There was only fear. She looked down at her hand, trying to process how it could have done that and also be a part of her.

Before her gaze, glitter spread like a virus across her palm, a burst outward from the stain of the ashes, until her whole hand up to an uneven border above her wrist was tinted a decayed gold.

Just like Rumplestiltskin.

Emma crumpled to her knees.

"Mom!"

"Emma!"

The flurry of voices rose again, and it was too much.

She closed her eyes and begged a different kind of darkness to take her.

It did.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N for the sake of being able to more thoroughly develop everyone else , I've decided to leave Leroy & Granny back in Storybrooke ! Thanks for the reads & follows !**

When Emma woke, she was startled to find herself slumped in a booth in Granny's diner. As she began to sit up, recent events came into focus and her breath caught in her throat.

"She's up." Robin's voice came from the bar.

She realized then she was far from alone—there had been a lull in conversation but everyone was around her and suddenly the air was charged.

"Emma." Killian rushed forward, then stopped short before reaching the booth. The wariness in him rivaled her own despair for what was running her through the roughest. "How are you, love?"

"Are we back in Storybrooke?" She lifted her hand to the light, the one that had crushed Merida's heart as if it were nothing. It glinted, proof that there was no denying the blackening of her own heart, the ruin of her body.

"Not quite. We brought Granny's along with us."

He said it like it was commonplace, tucking away your favourite diner like a favourite book. But then again it was hardly the strangest thing to happen to them.

She lapsed into silence. She couldn't bring herself to speak. This wasn't like Cruella, where she had the gauzy excuse of protecting Henry. This was full-on Sith-level evildoing. She shook her sleeve down over her corrupted hand, tucking it in her lap, out of sight.

"Well if no one else is going to shoot the elephant in the room." Regina bit out. "I imagine you realize how far into the dark you've strayed. Why did you do it, Emma?"

She bit her lip, fiddling with the sugar canister.

"To get the wisp. To protect all of you."

"Don't be superficial. That's a justification, not a motive."

"It's the truth."

"I know the lure of darkness greater than anyone in this room. Why did you _really_ do it?"

She abandoned the sugar, gripping the table's edge instead, desperate for any semblance of steadiness.

"Regina." Mary Margret warned gently.

"I did it, because I wanted to." Emma choked out. A Pandora's box of shame and fear nestled deep in her stomach. They had the right to know what she was capable of, though, regardless. They needed to be safe from her.

Her parents let out soft gasps. The horror she'd seen on their faces-on _her son's-_ flashed back and she couldn't bear to look and relive it. So she let their gazes burn into her peripherals.

"Because it felt…" She continued, then shook her head.

"Good?" Regina asked softly. Knowingly.

"Like safety." It didn't make sense, not in words. But she could feel the ghost of that comforting lull, the surety that nothing and no one could hurt her or those she loved…except herself. "What did you—what did you do with her?" She couldn't bring herself to say "body."

"We buried her."

Emma nodded, a quick burst.

"Swan…love, you're trembling."

The guilt and fear spiraled up into panic and she rose in one swift movement. The feeling intensified when everyone in the room assumed defensive positions. Her hands rose but she didn't know what to do with them—she just looked around herself in confusion.

"I need to…I need to go." It was worse than the panic that had taken hold of her after interrogating the Snow Queen, when she was afraid her powers would hurt someone. This time there was a sickness in her that couldn't be fixed with a heartfelt speech.

She made it out of the booth and halfway across the diner before she felt Killian's grip on her sleeve. She fought him, needing to _leave_ _run escape,_ but he pulled her into a tight embrace.

"You can't." He said, pained. "I-I understand the urge to flee but you've got to understand—we can't let you alone right now, love." The restraint of the embrace melted into desperate comfort as she pushed against his chest. "Shh. Shh." He murmured into her hair, stroking it then rubbing slow circles into her back. How long had she been shaking?

"She's in shock." Henry said.

"This is a mess." Robin murmured, not unkindly.

"Oh, baby." Mary Margret said.

"You need to rest, Emma. Take it easy. Get grounded. And we need to regroup." Regina took charge, striding to meet them in the centre of the space.

Killian pressed his forehead into hers for a drawn out moment before pulling away. "Please. Come along, lass."

She looked into the blue, blue eyes of the man she loved. She had to be calm for him. After all she'd put him through in the last days, she had to give him that. She nodded, a weak dip of her chin, and the wan smile he gave her was worse than the graze of a bullet.

"Aye, there's a girl." He moved to take her hand, but she balled her fist. He looked hurt a moment, then thoughtful. He thumbed his way into the center of her fist, coaxing her fingers loose until he could lace their fingers together. "A little shimmer and shine will not deter me, Swan."

He led her passed her family. David reached out to brush her shoulder, and she felt the lightness of Henry's fingertips against her elbow. Before he led her into the kitchen, he turned back to the group.

"A minute, if you would." He clearly meant them to wait before beginning the discussion on how to deal with her. She should feel patronized by how they were banishing her from the room, but she couldn't feel anything but relief at the promise of isolation.

"Of course." Regina said. "And Emma—don't stray." She gestured with the dagger, a bittersweet twist to her mouth. The command was clear.

As soon as they were alone, Killian sank down the wall, pulling Emma down with him.

"Oh, Emma." Was all he said.

And with that weary utterance she felt tears begin to glisten.

"I'm so sorry, Killian." She said quietly. "I'm so afraid."

She didn't want his reassurance—didn't deserve it—but this time when he pulled her into him, she went without a struggle. She burrowed into his neck, hoping to find salvation in his warmth.

"No sin is unforgivable, darling." He coaxed her chin up gently, holding her gaze. "Don't give up on yourself. We certainly haven't."

He pressed his lips softly against her forehead.

Thoroughly spent, she fell asleep almost as soon as he was gone.

Without him, she felt so damn cold.


	3. Chapter 3

The next time she woke, Emma could hear them in the other room-strange, scared whispers. They didn't know what to do with her. They talked about her like they didn't know who she was.

That was fair.

She sat up from where she'd been pillowed on the hood she'd been reborn in. She stared at the wall, not even flinching when Rumplestiltskin appeared next to her.

"Not very becoming of a Dark One to become so broken up over trifles like what others think of you."

"They're my loved ones."

"Interesting turn of phrase, 'loved ones.' Certainly not 'loving ones.' Certainly not to, ah, Dark Ones."

"I killed someone. In cold blood." She swallowed, hard, fingers trembling against the hardwood floor. "Because of you. They're right to be afraid of me."

"Ah, ah, ah." He shook his finger, breaking into a delighted grin. "I merely cheered you on, Miss Swan. It's not my fault you gave in to a little, ah, peer pressure."

"Go away." Emma placed her head between her knees, not even bothering with a strong front.

"Let's not pretend you're ready to be all alone, then."

" _Get out of my head_." She shouted. Magic surged around her, brilliant and brutal light spiraling in his direction.

He cackled.

"Oh, but I can't. I'm here to the end of the line, dearie. And in your case, that's forever."

The door banged open, and the heroes rushed in. The light was just fading from the room. She didn't need to look down to know the infection had spread. She could feel it, sickly sweet to her core.

"What's happening?" David crouched next to her and she flinched at the proximity.

"Calm down, love." Hook got down to one knee at her other side, reaching an unsteady hand out to her. She recoiled from the almost-contact, teeth clenched.

Rumple meandered around the rest of the group crowded around the threshold. She hated the sight of Regina's hand gripped tight on Henry's shoulder, as if she was prepared to throw him behind her and shield him. He was her _son._

"I'll leave you to it, then, dearie."

"Why won't he leave me alone?" She asked, but not of any of them. "God, why won't he leave me alone." She rested her head back against the wall, eyes closed. Tears began to slip down her cheeks. She was so _tired_.

"What is she talking about?" Regina asked.

"Your guess is as good as any of ours." Mary Margaret replied, tense.

"Who's haunting your thoughts, Swan?" Killian asked, voice pitched low in a soothing tone. She braced herself against the comfort she didn't deserve.

"A demon who wears the face of Rumplestiltskin." She murmured.

There was a heavy silence.

"How long have you been hearing the Crocodile?" Killian asked.

She opened her eyes, only to meet Rumple's gaze over Killian's shoulder.

"He's always here." She whispered.

"This changes things." Killian turned slightly to Regina.

"Does it?" She said, unmoved.

"Why didn't you tell us, baby?" Mary Margret asked.

Emma didn't reply. She leaned back against the wall with finality, eyes drifting shut, nails digging into her knees.

"Emma?" Her father asked, placing a hand on her shoulder. She shut her eyes tighter.

"Emma, you need to tell us everything." Regina said.

"Mom, please. Let us help you." Henry.

"Swan." Killian, his voice the lightest of appeals.

"It's no use." Regina said. "She's done talking. But we have another way to get her heart on her sleeve." She brandished the dagger.

"No." Killian bit out.

"Don't be stupid. It's the only way to save her."

"Not if we're going to break her in the process."

"Hook's right." David said. "We're not going to betray her will more than we have to. And this," He gestured to Regina, "We don't have to."

"You're all a bunch of starry-eyed do-gooders." She hissed.

"There's no need to be cruel, my love." Robin said.

The soft rebuke had the effect of a slap. Regina recoiled.

"This is not me being cruel. You have not _dreamed_ of my cruelty. This is being pragmatic." The muscles in her jaw tightened. "At this point coddling is not kindness. It's dangerous." She tossed the dagger across to Hook, who caught it, eyes narrowing. "Find me when all your bubble wrap pops." She turned on her heel, leaving the kitchen several degrees colder.

"Regina—" Robin trailed after her. The rest of the heroes exchanged a myriad of looks.

"I'll stay with her through the night." Hook said finally. "We'll reconvene in the morning."

David nodded, and withdrew from Emma's side reluctantly. "Alright." He pressed a kiss into her hair. "You're loved." The sincerity of the reminder burnt like a holy fire.

Mary Margret looked back, divided, as David led her from the room with a hand at her waist. Only Henry lingered a moment more. He bent to hug Emma's turned-inward form, and she allowed it, though her gaze was still in the middle distance.

"I love you, Mom. We all do. And we're going to help you."

Once they were alone, Killian sank back to the chill floor beside her.

"Tell me when he shows, Swan." He moved until their shoulders touched. "You may well be the only one who can witness him, but you don't need to face the Crocodile alone."

She simply sank back to the floor, pillowing her head in his lap.

"That's okay too, then." He said after a moment. He sighed, a beaten release of breath, then his hook settled on her lower back, his good hand drifting to caress her hair. When it was apparent she would not talk, he shifted more snugly between the wall and her weight, and began to hum a sea-faring song low in his throat. She fell asleep to his rough lullaby, to the grounding warmth of him around her.

She awoke to the low whisper of many voices.

"Killian?" But he was dead asleep. In the night they'd ended up on their sides, with him at her back, arm draped over her waist, hand loose across her stomach.

The words were many, quick and coaxing, and they drew on her—she wanted to solve them, to answer them. Once she was fully awake, the hot buzz became louder, close to her ear.

"Dagger's calling your name, dearie." She jolted as Rumplestiltskin appeared in the low light. Hook muttered in his sleep, his grip tightening on her.

"Well it's going to have to leave a message." Emma bit out.

"Oh, but it misses you. And you miss it, don't you? The weight of your own fate within your grasp."

"The last time I was trusted with my own fate, I murdered a woman in front of everyone I love."

"Well, personally, I was a fan of that decision. Lacked a certain flair to it, but not bad for your first."

"I don't want anything to do with it." She said with finality.

"Lie to yourself all you like, dearie, but you can't lie to me. Dark One to Dark One, I know how fast your heart is beating. Fingers getting a little…twitchy." He fluttered his fingertips gleefully.

She wanted to deny, deny, deny—but she couldn't ignore the prickle of her skin, the fact that her heart was indeed picking up speed. She reached out to Killian, a hand running the length of his jacket, meaning to ground herself once more.

But the buzzing increased to a keening.

"X marks the spot." Rumple said.

Emma slipped her hand into his pocket, meeting cold metal. She withdrew the dagger slowly, transfixed by her own name in the moonlight.

There was silence. She didn't even realize she was holding her breath.

"Now go."

"What?"

"Walk out that door and the next and _go._ You're worried about harming your loved ones? Leave them. Find Merlin on your own."

She wavered. This would be her only chance. She couldn't trust Rumplestiltskin, she knew that. She also knew she wouldn't hurt those she loved. Merida…Merida was a necessary evil. A blip. A blip that incidentally felt like she'd ascended to some higher plane of existence, but a blip nonetheless. She should stay.

She weighed the dagger in her hand.

But what if? What if she could knock this out in one go, save her friends tiptoeing around her, save herself from having to face them with the knowledge of the Darkness roiling inside.

She would find Merlin on her own, free herself of the Darkness, and then they would all go home.

Emma gripped the blade tight and left the kitchen.

She spelled silence into her footsteps, made it to the door. She pressed a hand into the frame, taking a last look at the sleeping forms of her loved ones.

"Mom?"

Her jaw clenched as Henry walked into the light cast through the door. "Mom, where are you going?"

"Henry."

He looked to the dagger in her hand, then swallowed hard. "This was a test."

Her heart seized.

"I don't have to wake them up. You can still pass. You can still be good."

"Oh, Henry."

She drifted forward, made as if to hand the dagger over. Hope and suspicion warred on her boy's face.

At the last moment, she leaned to kiss his forehead. He crumpled to the ground.

"I'm sorry, kid."


End file.
